idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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