My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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