We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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