She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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