Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
