My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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