this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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