my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
