She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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