totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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