guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
