After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
