He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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