We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I could fuck to npr.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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