I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
