Your dad touched me again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
