he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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