I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
