I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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