Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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