3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
