She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize