Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
