He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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