I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
