dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
