i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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