Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
