Swine flu is the new snow day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
