I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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