I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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