I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.