the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps