now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.