We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home