you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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