I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
