If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
