don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
