I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You smell like stripper and shame
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
