SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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