I want to have your abortion
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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