dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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