The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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