If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
