My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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