Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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