We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
