apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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