Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
