We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
