If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize