shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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