They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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