she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
