Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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