i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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