Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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