It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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