There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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