I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
