Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
