i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
