So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
