FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
