I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
