He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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