just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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