I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
