I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
