I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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