sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
