I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
