Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
