I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize