Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
