4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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