I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
