This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Boobs are out for the taking
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
