You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
