My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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