We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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